Thursday, February 24, 2005

And now for something completely different...

An old friend shared the following Phyllis Diller joke tonight:

Q What's the most effective contraceptive for senior citizens?
A Nudity.

Another Phyllis Diller one-liner: I don't throw leftovers away. I put them in the fridge for a month, and then I throw them away.

A nurse is trying to console a woman who just gave birth in the hospital elevator. She says, "Don't worry. Last year some lady had her baby out on the front lawn." Instead of being comforted, the distraught new mother cries, "That was me!"

Q What do you call people who use the rhythm method of birth control?
A Parents.

My daughter's favorite joke (from Highlights magazine):
Q Why is an elephant big, gray, and wrinkly?
A Because if it was small, white, and smooth it would he an aspirin.

One of my favorite laywer jokes:
Q What's the difference between a dead snake and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A Skid marks in front of the snake.

One of my favorite bald jokes (one-liner): We all have the same number of hormones. If you want to use yours growing hair, that's your business.

One of my favorite LDS high council jokes (one-liner): If all the people who slept in church during a high councilman's talk were laid end to end -- they'd be a lot more comfortable!

A panda bear walks into a restaurant, and, after finishing his meal, shoots the busboy. He's arrested, and the cop asks why he did it. The panda replies, "I'm a panda. Look it up." The dictionary entry says: "Panda: eats shoots and leaves."


Blogger Garry Wilmore said...

Thanks for the chuckles. I am occasionally asked if I take offense at lawyer jokes. No, I always say; in fact, I have actually worked for a few of them.

11:46 AM  

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